| September 27th was my birthday. When my | | | | of its direction now." |
| husband left for work he kissed me and said, | | | | What an empowering idea! I could take charge of |
| "Happy Birthday Hon." After three deaths in the | | | | my birthday. Maybe I would not have a "Happy |
| family I did not think I would have a happy day at | | | | Birthday" in the ordinary sense of the phrase, but |
| all. "I'll try," I replied. | | | | I could have a productive and meaningful one. |
| Three deaths are too much. For months I had | | | | How did I spend the day? I did some of the |
| been walking around in a fog or thinking about the | | | | things I love most. |
| basics of life. Who was I? What do I do? Could I | | | | Cooking is one of my passions. Fall apples had |
| still do it? Would I be happy again? Daniel | | | | arrived in the grocery store. I baked some |
| Goleman, PhD discusses the body's responses to | | | | apple-cinnamon muffins. The smell of the baking |
| happiness in his book, "Emotional Intelligence." | | | | muffins was comforting and took me back to |
| According to Goleman happiness increases activity | | | | childhood. I froze the muffins for another day. |
| "in a brain center that inhibits negative feelings and | | | | Decorating is another passion. We had needed a |
| fosters an increase in available energy, and a | | | | bedside table in the guest room for years. I |
| quieting of those that generate worrisome | | | | ordered a table from a catalog store and paid for |
| thought." Happiness also gives the body a chance | | | | it with credit card points. It was almost like getting |
| to rest, he says, and generates enthusiasm and | | | | a table for free. The table will be delivered next |
| energy for pursuing our goals. | | | | week. |
| I did not have much energy lately. Three | | | | Volunteering is also a passion and I volunteer for |
| succesive deaths had generated hundreds of | | | | health organizations. I was working on a nutrition |
| worrisome thoughts. I was not sleeping well. The | | | | outreach project. This was the perfect day to |
| financial and legal paperwork came in faster than I | | | | finalize details and write the press release -- tasks |
| could process it. Though I made daily "To Do" | | | | that took hours. When my husband returned |
| lists, at the end of the day the lists were longer, | | | | from work he asked, "How are you?" |
| not shorter. | | | | "Fine," I said. "I had a productive and meaningful |
| Since I have been in crisis before I have good | | | | day. I worked on the nutrition project, ordered a |
| coping skills. I have learned how to care for | | | | bedside table, and baked muffins." My husband |
| myself. Kelly Osmont, MSW writes about self-care | | | | wanted to take me out for dinner, but I wanted |
| in a booklet titled "More Than Surviving: Caring for | | | | to stay home. We had an easy supper, clam |
| Yourself While You Grieve." "Your life is | | | | chowder and apple pie a la mode, and went to |
| important," she writes "To regain a sense of | | | | bed early. I snuggled in my husband's arms, |
| control over your own life, start by taking charge | | | | whispered "Happy Birthday," and went to sleep. |