| Miscarriage matters.... | | | | baby when it feels right for you. Often this will be |
| One of the most common features of | | | | a relief for others who are just waiting for you to |
| miscarriage, it seems, is that it is not | | | | take the lead. |
| acknowledged by others. Apart from perhaps an | | | | - Ask how the experience is for your friend. |
| initial expression of condolences by immediate | | | | What is it bringing up? Are there questions he or |
| family (maybe), the bereaved couple is left alone | | | | she has? Listen with an open heart to the answer |
| to come to terms with the death of their baby. | | | | and respond to any questions. In doing this, you |
| Unlike other deaths, baby is rarely mentioned | | | | are taking the taboo out of miscarriage and also |
| again and it appears as if this life never existed. | | | | giving him or her the tools to be able to support |
| It is very painful for parents when their baby's | | | | other couples in the same situation. |
| death is all but ignored. And when you are | | | | - Remember that they don't know what is going |
| vulnerable and sad, the silence of friends is heard | | | | on for you. They couldn't possibly. Say how you |
| all the more loudly. | | | | feel. Explain what the experience is like for you. |
| It is so very easy and natural to feel angry and | | | | Tell them what you find supportive or otherwise |
| hurt at the lack of support at this time. | | | | so that they know. Help them to be the good |
| Transforming Miscarriage | | | | friend that they want to be. |
| But we can instead channel these feelings into | | | | - Identify your own needs and take responsibility |
| something more nourishing for ourselves and | | | | for meeting them. Other people cannot know |
| society. It is time for miscarriage to be given its | | | | what you need unless you tell them. Use this |
| rightful place. It is time to give these babies and | | | | opportunity to develop a new way of |
| their parents the dignity they deserve. | | | | communicating that honours you and the people |
| How can we do that? Where do we begin? | | | | with whom you share your life. What kind of |
| You can get the ball in motion. Who better than | | | | support would be helpful? Would you like people to |
| somebody who has been through this ordeal? | | | | mention your baby, ask what you loved about |
| What You Can Do | | | | the pregnancy, talk about happy memories? Let |
| - Realise that they don't know what to say. They | | | | them know. |
| have not got the tools in their kit to respond in a | | | | - Give yourself permission to let go of patterns or |
| way that appreciates the significance of this | | | | relationships that are no longer nourishing. Perhaps |
| experience for you. Reflect on times when you | | | | there are ways of being that really don't fit for |
| heard about miscarriage or other situations and | | | | you any more. Use this as an opportunity to |
| did not know how to react. Accept that they are | | | | release what is holding you back and draw to you |
| doing the best they can do and in doing so you | | | | experiences and people that help you to thrive. |
| begin to come into your own power. | | | | - Decide that in spite of all the pain around this, |
| - Open the door of communication. Give yourself | | | | you are going to let goodness to come from it. In |
| permission to talk about your baby. Name your | | | | this way you are are allowing your baby to |
| baby and share the name with others you care | | | | become the beautiful gift to the world that he or |
| about. Instead of waiting for permission or | | | | she really is. |
| invitation, just allow yourself to talk about your | | | | |