| I heard from a woman whose husband was just | | | | but had a big role in creating. |
| diagnosed with terminal cancer. Her question to | | | | 3. We updated documents. We made sure the |
| me: What should a woman do before her husband | | | | Will, Power of Attorney, EVERYTHING reflected |
| dies? | | | | their latest info and current wishes. |
| My heart went out to her, along with my | | | | 4. We envisioned a future without Dad. My mom |
| admiration. Instead of going into denial, she went | | | | started thinking about living single: how much |
| into action. Death is not easy to talk about, let | | | | money she'd need to live on (a lot... she wasn't |
| alone prepare for. What would you do in her | | | | going to work nor did she have to, but she did |
| situation? After all, most women will face a similar | | | | like to spend), how she wanted her money |
| dilemma at some point. | | | | invested (very conservatively), and who would |
| I'll never forget, when my father got ill, I went to | | | | assist her with this. The whole family helped her |
| my mother. "Do you know what Daddy has | | | | find an investment advisor (we interviewed 3). |
| planned for you when he dies?" I asked. | | | | She also hired a CPA - after a while, it became |
| "Oh yes," she replied quickly, but when I pressed | | | | clear he wasn't a good fit, so she recently hired |
| her for details, she couldn't tell me. She also made | | | | someone else. She meets with her "team" on a |
| it abundantly clear: this was not a conversation | | | | regular basis to this day. |
| she wanted to have. I made it even clearer: | | | | 5. We had regular family meetings. These |
| avoidance was not an option. Here's what we did: | | | | meetings, though often emotional, were absolutely |
| 1. We had "the talk." I had my Mom sit down with | | | | wonderful in getting everyone on the same page |
| my Dad and we looked at all the financial | | | | while Dad was still alive. Meetings included my |
| documents: bank statements, investments, estate | | | | sisters, spouses, and all the grandchildren (we |
| planning, etc. This was not, by any means, an | | | | eventually had great grandkids crawling around |
| easy conversation. Dealing with death is | | | | too). My Dad let everyone know what his wishes |
| emotionally excruciating, at least it was for us. | | | | were, especially for philanthropy, and enrolled the |
| Nerves were frayed. My Mom glazed over. My | | | | whole family to the board of his foundation. |
| Dad lost patience. I kept scratching my wrist (a | | | | These meetings drew us closer in many ways. |
| nervous habit) until it bled. But by the end, my | | | | 6. Mom talked to friends. She'd had several friends |
| Mom knew where every penny was and what | | | | who lost their husband's, so she talked to them at |
| arrangements he had made... and hadn't made. | | | | length. They gave her great advice which really |
| 2. We assembled "the team." My Dad was very | | | | helped her see life goes on, happily so. |
| much a do-it-yourselfer. I wanted my Mom to | | | | Having done these things, by the time my father |
| have her own team of professionals to support | | | | died, all my mother had to do was grieve. Every |
| and guide her (during and after). First on our list | | | | detail was in order. There were no surprises. All |
| was to hire an estate lawyer... we found one | | | | papers signed. All major decisions made. Her team |
| (through my sister). Mom, my sisters and I met | | | | was in place. Practically speaking, his passing was |
| with him first, brought in my father, and together | | | | seamless. It was not an easy process. Sadly, |
| my parents created a very good, tax efficient | | | | many of us will go through this. But, being |
| estate plan... which my Mom not only understood, | | | | prepared financially, will make it a little easier. |