| "How do I explain this to my kids?" I find that | | | | may collect flowers from the garden and some |
| many parents do not know how to talk to kids | | | | special stones to decorate the grave. A grave is |
| about death. I worked in bereavement care at a | | | | what you call the place where you bury Hamster. |
| funeral home for fourteen years caring for | | | | Next week we can make a stepping stone with |
| children and their families when death occurred. | | | | Hamster's name on it and place it on the grave. |
| While my major focus was on people, I often | | | | This afternoon, we can find pictures of Hamster |
| received phone calls about a cat, a dog or even a | | | | and make a collage. |
| goldfish that just died. The parent's voice on the | | | | Children are wise little people with strong feelings. |
| other end of the line said, "I have no idea what to | | | | As an adult the healthiest approach to explaining |
| say." The following suggestions were effective | | | | death to children is to be honest and concrete. |
| with real kids as young as two years old. A child | | | | Even in the most difficult circumstances, when a |
| who shows love is not too young to feel grief. | | | | grandparent, sibling or parent dies, these principles |
| You will be amazed at how well kids can handle | | | | can help start the child off in a healthy way. What |
| death if the following principles are used: 1-Use | | | | you are really saying to the child when you include |
| simple concrete terms, 2-use short sentences, | | | | him is that you believe in him and understand his |
| 3-pause regularly for questions. Here are some | | | | sad feelings. While you cannot take those feelings |
| specific words and phrases you can use when | | | | away, you can reassure him that "we are in this |
| talking with your child about death. | | | | together and will help each other get through this |
| If the child was not there when the death | | | | difficult time." Using this approach will build coping |
| occurred be sure to tell the child what happened, | | | | skills the child will use all her life. |
| "Your fish died today while you were at school." | | | | FAQ by Children |
| (Please don't run to the store for one just like it, | | | | 1. Where did my pet go? If you believe there is a |
| the kid will know, believe me). Dead means the | | | | heaven, you can tell your child the invisible part |
| 'breathing part' left the body in a mysterious way | | | | went to heaven and is happy and healthy. If you |
| no one understands. It didn't hurt. The body is the | | | | don't believe in heaven, you can tell your child that |
| part we can see. It doesn't feel anything | | | | their pet is in their heart and a part of nature. |
| anymore. We can't leave the body this way | | | | 2. Will he come back? No, your dog won't come |
| because it would not be healthy. We need to | | | | back. When a pet dies, it can't come back alive. |
| make a decision to either bury the body or | | | | 3. Was it my fault that she died? No, there wasn't |
| cremate the body. | | | | anything you did. Your pet died because she |
| Cremation is done by an expert who heats the | | | | received injuries when she was hit by the car. |
| body (remember your pet doesn't feel anything | | | | The injuries damaged her heart and it stopped |
| anymore) to a very high heat. When the | | | | beating. Her lungs stopped taking in air. She |
| cremation is done the body is now ash and can | | | | stopped breathing and her life-part left her body. |
| be kept in a special jar, buried or scattered. If we | | | | Or, if the dog was old, he died of old age. He was |
| decide to bury your fish, we can put him in a box, | | | | all worn out and his heart stopped beating and he |
| dig a hole in the backyard, put the box with the | | | | died. |
| fish in the hole and fill the hole with earth. Your | | | | 4. What is he doing now? I like think his life-part is |
| fish will help the garden grow. Once the life is | | | | in heaven and he is happy and healthy. |
| gone, it will not come back. But you can | | | | 5. Will I die too? Yes someday you will die too. |
| remember and love your pet in your heart. That | | | | Everything has a beginning and an end. But that |
| part never dies. | | | | probably won't happen for a long time. Most |
| Whatever we decide about cremation or burial, | | | | children live to be adults |
| we will also want to have a funeral. A funeral is | | | | 6. When are you going to die? Probably not for a |
| where you show your love and appreciation for | | | | long time. I'm healthy and I take good care of |
| your pet. Let's think of some ways in which | | | | myself. |
| Hamster was special. Maybe you'd like to draw a | | | | 7. Is God mad at me? No, God is not mad at you. |
| picture. When you are finished, we can have the | | | | He loves you. He knows you're a child and loves |
| funeral in the backyard. You can also put | | | | you just as you are. |
| Hamster's favorite things in the box with him. You | | | | |