The Search for Meaning When A Loved One Dies

Meaning affects everything we do; and equallyintercede to God for them.
important it affects the body as attested to by4. Meaning derived from the belief that love never
the many examples of body-mind relationships,dies. Many who receive a contact from a
such as the placebo effect. Finding meaning indeceased loved one or a divine being interpret it
death is not always easy, and sometimes it isas an act of love. Their love for the deceased
hard to find.continues on as they reinvest in life and establish
However, the search for meaning when a loveda new, healthy, but different relationship. To feel
one dies can make the difference in how youloved and to give love when hurting is a little
cope with your loss and reinvest in life. The Swissutilized but highly effective coping tool.
psychiatrist, Carl Jung, the founder of analytical5. Meaning derived from the belief that there will
psychology, put it this way, “Meaning makes asome day be a reunion with the deceased. Those
great many things endurable—perhapswho believe in an afterlife, heaven, or receive an
everything.”EE, are often convinced they will see their loved
Searching for meaning is useless early in yourone again when they die. They have no fear of
grief; first give yourself time to express emotiondeath, and reinvest their energies in their present
and review the relationship. Eventually, makelife.
every effort to find meaning in your loss. Here6. Meaning derived from the belief that the loved
are seven considerations that have providedone is still giving comfort, caring, and providing
meaning for others after the death of a lovedsupport. “Even in death he/she is still giving and
one, and that may help you in your own search.caring,” is the thought of many who sense the
1. Meaning derived from the belief that there is apresence of their loved one when mourning. This
spirit world. Many people have reportedis a profound example for them to emulate.
experiences that have convinced them there is a7. Meaning derived from the belief that the
spirit world and an afterlife. The Near-Deathdeceased is whole and healthy in a different
Experience (NDE) has occurred to over 8 millionexistence. Many of the after death contacts that
people who report going through a tunnel, seeingthe bereaved experience show the loved one
others who have predeceased them, and awhole and healthy again. They are grateful that
beautiful white light.the beloved is no longer in pain.
Others, who were mourning the death of a lovedObviously, there are many, many more ways
one, have experienced dreams, visions, andthat individual mourners find meaning in the death
various synchronistic and symbolic events, calledof their loved ones, which helps them integrate
Extraordinary Experiences (EEs). These eventstheir losses into their lives. Much depends on the
provided comfort and enough evidence for thempersonal beliefs, nature of the relationship with the
to believe their loved ones live on in anotherdeceased, and mode of death. The search for
existence. This had great influence on the coursemeaning is an important part of grief work for
of their grief work.most, and it frequently becomes a time when we
2. Meaning derived from celebration of the lifeare open to revising our world views and beliefs
that was lived. This may include dedications,about life and death.
memorializations, carrying on a particular tradition,Sometimes trying to make sense out of the
or doing volunteer work in honor of the deceased.death seems fruitless. For example, how do you
Some survivors have started support groups, orfind meaning in the death of four-month-old child
supported the newly bereaved in their community(this happened to me)? I eventually was able to
depending on their needs.come to terms with it. Still, searching for the
3. Meaning derived from the belief that there is acause of the experience and pulling meaning from
heaven and a hell. Many people who are grievingit with a trusted friend or relative is useful. We
find solace in their beliefs that their loved ones areneed others at this time to be with us when we
in heaven with God. Also, many embrace theare in pain. Look for the right person as you try
doctrine of the Communion of Saints, where theyto make sense of your loss.
can pray to their loved ones, and ask them to