| Your friend's Mom died after some years of living | | | | sometimes it happens to you or people you care |
| with Alzheimer's. You know it's been hard for | | | | about. Everyone dies. Everyone. We're built that |
| your friend. So when you go to the funeral, you | | | | way. God doesn't even have to plan 1,000 ways |
| want to console her. | | | | to kill you and yours because everyone dies. It's |
| Therefore, you say one of 5 rudest, most | | | | right there in our basic God-given or |
| insensitive things people say at funerals to the | | | | biologically-directed DNA. |
| bereaved. | | | | So just bite your tongue on the life theory and |
| 1. "She's in a better place now." | | | | say, "I'm so sorry." |
| A statement made by people who actually have | | | | Do you know why people babble on with all these |
| no idea at all whether that could possibly be true | | | | meant-to-help but appallingly insensitive |
| and usually didn't even know the person well | | | | comments? It's because they really ARE sorry. |
| enough to be able to make such a comment. | | | | They really DO wish they could make things |
| Your theology at someone else's funeral is not | | | | better. That's why they come out with dreadful |
| wanted nor appropriate, unless you are actually | | | | cliches guaranteed to make you think these are |
| the minister. | | | | the most insensitive people on the face of Planet |
| This is what you say: "I'm so sorry." | | | | Earth. |
| 2. "It's a blessing her suffering is over." | | | | They really do want to take your pain away. |
| Is it also a blessing that your friend is now | | | | They want to help you, to make you feel better, |
| bereaved and alone? Is that a divine plan or just | | | | so that they could feel better. |
| the result of stuff happening. | | | | The thing is: most grownups know that bad things |
| This is what you say: "I'm so sorry." | | | | happen and that everyone dies. And everyone |
| 3. "Be brave. She would have wanted that." | | | | dies of something. And if you live long enough to |
| How very presumptuous of you and who the | | | | even have Alzheimer's, then you are probably a |
| heck are you to give instructions like that so a | | | | lot nearer the end of your life anyway. So near |
| newly-bereaved person? | | | | the end that at least 90 percent of everyone |
| This is what you say: "I'm so sorry." | | | | with Alzheimer's will die of the usual suspects in |
| 4. "God wanted her home with Him." | | | | elder life -- heart disease, cancer, liver problems, |
| This is the kind of theology which, besides being | | | | lung problems and so on. |
| presumptuous, also portrays God as something | | | | No one whose family member has died expects |
| between Bad Santa and the kind of loving father | | | | you to take away their sorrow. That is their |
| who hands out slices of poisoned cake to the kids. | | | | journey to follow and they will, because sensible |
| Keep your bizarre theories of the divine to | | | | people know that we all die. |
| yourself and just say, "I'm so sorry." | | | | What they would really like, what would REALLY |
| 5. "It was all part of Gods' plan." | | | | comfort them, is for you stand right there with |
| Oh yes, I love to think of God as being the Divine | | | | them and say "I'm so sorry." That way, you |
| SWAT team leader, don't you? Looking for people | | | | share the burden with them. |
| to snuff out violently and suddenly. Let's get a | | | | That's all it takes to bring real comfort in the |
| grip here, shall we? | | | | midst of sorrow and loss. |
| Life lesson number one: stuff happens and | | | | |