| Not infrequently, death occurs and surviving family | | | | you can view the deceased. |
| members and friends do not have the opportunity | | | | It is very important for you, especially on an |
| to say goodbye to the loved one who died. Fatal | | | | unconscious level, to have seen the person who |
| automobile accidents and heart attacks, | | | | died. |
| hurricanes, murders, and many other unexpected | | | | ● Write your goodbyes in your diary or a |
| events are the catalysts for much anxiety and | | | | letter. Writing thoughts and descriptions of feelings |
| deeply felt grief. | | | | can provide a profound emotional and physical |
| Many survivors are guilt ridden when in fact there | | | | release. Write as though you are speaking directly |
| is clearly no outward cause for such guilt. They | | | | to your loved one and be specific. Put an I Love |
| did nothing wrong. Yet, unexpected death often | | | | You in it, and that you will never forget the |
| wipes out our ability to see that we did not | | | | person. When you are burdened by your thoughts |
| create the circumstances to cause the emotion | | | | of not having said goodbye, reread what you |
| being experienced. | | | | have written. You may also want to add |
| Sometimes dying people choose to die when | | | | something else to your writing at this time. |
| those close to them are not present in order to | | | | ● Write or paste messages to the loved |
| spare them additional pain. Also, it is not | | | | one on a biodegradable helium-filled balloon for |
| uncommon for a person to die in a hospital or | | | | release. This can be a wonderful opportunity for a |
| hospice setting when a family member is rushing | | | | ritual of goodbye as you watch the balloon ascend |
| to get there. All of the pain of these events is | | | | into the sky. It will give you a planned occasion to |
| maximized by the thought of not being with the | | | | think of your loved one if you are alone or |
| person at the end. | | | | discuss memories of the loved one if it is a group |
| So what can be done to reduce emotional pain | | | | or family ritual. |
| and provide support in the face of deep sadness? | | | | Be sure you purchase a biodegradable balloon as |
| Plenty. One or more of the following can prove | | | | others are very damaging to wildlife and the |
| helpful. | | | | environment. |
| ● Say goodbye in a private setting. I | | | | ● Learn to refocus your attention and |
| often tell those who are mourning the death of a | | | | thoughts. When guilt and anxiety arise over the |
| loved one that there is nothing wrong with talking | | | | unintended event of not being able to say |
| to the person who has died. It is a successful | | | | goodbye, an important survival skill involves |
| coping response used by millions of people and a | | | | immediately refocusing your attention. First, |
| meaningful way to say goodbye. Find a quiet | | | | believe that the loved one understands your |
| room in your home, place a picture or other | | | | inability to say goodbye and would not hold a |
| symbol of the loved one across from you, and | | | | grudge. Then divert your awareness to a pleasant |
| say whatever you need to say. Explain why you | | | | memory of the deceased or visualize her |
| were not there, why you are sorry, and that | | | | forgiving you. Change what is happening in the |
| your love will always be with the person. If you | | | | moment. This technique takes practice but it is a |
| believe in an afterlife, ask the person to send you | | | | powerful coping response to develop and can be |
| a sign that they have heard you and are okay. | | | | used for dealing with many other unwanted |
| ● Be sure to go to the funeral service and | | | | thoughts. |
| the viewing of the body. The funeral is traditionally | | | | These approaches for dealing with not being able |
| the time and place where you get to say | | | | to say goodbye have a common goal: the |
| goodbye to the person who died | | | | acceptance of one of the sad events often |
| (something all children should be told). It can | | | | associated with the death of a loved one. In the |
| especially be your informal opportunity to say | | | | final analysis, each person has the ability to say a |
| your goodbyes. If you are unable to attend the | | | | belated goodbye, let go of anxiety, recognize that |
| scheduled service time or showing, then find | | | | separations without goodbye happen often, and |
| someone to go with you at another time when | | | | start on the road of reinvesting in life. |