| What to say when someone has died, this | | | | I just heard about Tom, I am so sorry. |
| dilemma faces us all in the end and the way we | | | | Ask a few questions about what happened, |
| react and respond makes an enormous difference | | | | people do need to talk and just listening to them |
| to someone bereaved, so what are the points to | | | | will help a lot. |
| avoid and ones to definitely do? | | | | Ask how things are going, how are they coping? |
| Timing is important here as our responses may | | | | Ask what you might be able to do for them, |
| well be different depending on how recent the | | | | either now or in the coming weeks. |
| actual bereavement is, and also how close the | | | | Things to avoid: |
| person you meet is to you. ie a close friend, | | | | Please do keep your courage and never avoid |
| family member or just an acquaintance. | | | | meeting someone who is bereaved, it is so hurtful |
| If you are dealing with a family member who has | | | | not to have the loss acknowledged even if all you |
| lost someone, then you too have lost someone | | | | do is express your condolences - such a formal |
| and your response will be instinctive and from the | | | | word but it simply means saying something that |
| heart, you are very likely to feel like hugging | | | | shows you care. |
| them and not needing to say anything much at all | | | | When a baby is involved, keep well away from |
| and this is just the right thing to do. An enfolding | | | | saying that they can soon have another, this is |
| hug says much more than words and joins you | | | | about the worst thing anyone can say, how can |
| together in more ways than one. | | | | one baby or child be replaced with another? |
| If the person bereaved is a close friend of yours, | | | | When you meet don't be tempted to have a |
| you may or may not have known the one who | | | | bright, chatty conversation to 'cheer them up' the |
| died. Again if appropriate, use the loving hug to | | | | loss has to be mentioned the first time you are |
| say what is in you. | | | | together, do not duck it, this is really important. It |
| If you meet someone bereaved but they are not | | | | only has to be a few words but they must be |
| close to you, the way you react to them is still | | | | said. |
| just as important as if they had been, naturally | | | | Should you send a card? Yes and as soon as |
| the hug is not appropriate, but words spoken are | | | | possible. Find something special, simple and stylish |
| important. Do not try to avoid a meeting, on the | | | | where you can write just a few words inside to |
| street or elsewhere, this is a difficult moment no | | | | convey your thoughts. Might I suggest a scented |
| doubt, but it must be acknowledged that | | | | card would be a good choice with calming |
| someone has died. | | | | lavender or other flowers. See below for where |
| Say things like: | | | | to go for this. |