| How do any of us cope with the death of our | | | | rhythm of entering the grief, then letting it go and |
| mother? It doesn't matter if our mother lives to a | | | | attending to daily tasks. |
| great age, the pain of losing her seems too much | | | | It's only too common for unresolved feelings |
| to bear. It's often said when people live a long life | | | | toward your mother to bubble up after her death. |
| that they "have had a good innings". Having a | | | | Clarify the expectations you had of her, those |
| good innings takes nothing away from the pain of | | | | expectations she could never fulfill. You begin to |
| grief, or from the shock of grief. | | | | see the relationship for what it was rather than |
| When we lose a parent we lose part of | | | | what you wanted it to be, you can grieve for |
| ourselves, we lose our childhood, and our youth is | | | | what your mother didn't give you and begin to |
| behind us forever. This is a Grief in itself. The | | | | appreciate what she did give you. The first |
| death of a parent shakes the very foundation of | | | | grieving period is an important time to heal these |
| our lives. It is natural to feel raw and vulnerable, | | | | old wounds and begin to say good-bye. |
| alone, out of control. The most important woman | | | | Each year I acknowledge the anniversary of my |
| in a female's life is her mother. Her presence | | | | own mother's death. I sit quietly in my garden and |
| effects us our entire life, and she can't be | | | | remember my childhood, I reflect on her life and I |
| replaced by anyone. When we lose our mother it's | | | | often speak to her as if she were beside me. I |
| devastating. What we have to do is acknowledge | | | | have apologised for the pain I caused her, |
| the importance and power of this event. It's not | | | | something I couldn't bring myself to do when she |
| the time to resist the powerful forces activated in | | | | was alive. |
| such grief, no one is ever too old to grieve, and | | | | Be gentle with yourself, as this is a vulnerable |
| no one is ever too old to learn strategies for | | | | time in which you feel depressed or emotional. |
| moving through grief. | | | | But changes will come to your life as you move |
| One strategy that works for me is making a | | | | out of the dark middle phase of grief. When you |
| special time for grief. A special time each day to | | | | feel ready, act on new ideas, inspirations and |
| honour this grief. Choose a quiet place, perhaps | | | | insights. |
| your bedroom, a corner of your backyard, a | | | | Life's too short! Of course it is. The death of a |
| protected place where you can open fully to your | | | | parent can be a spur to reviewing our priorities |
| grief in solitude. This makes you set up the habit | | | | and values. |
| of grieving for a set period each day, you find a | | | | |